how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
