you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize