The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
