Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
