just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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