addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize