just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
