clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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