i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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