Just cropdusted the office
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
