I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
