I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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