I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
