Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
