i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
