after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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