Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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