he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
