Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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