Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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