when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk is not a location!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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