is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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