I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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