is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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