Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
