shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
