Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
