so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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