Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
