Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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