after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
