just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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