I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
