This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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