Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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