I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
