don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
