So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
