Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
