Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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