Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
