Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
operation harelip BJ is a go
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
