I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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