sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize