She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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