if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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