i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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