Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
