My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
