you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
