Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
