there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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