when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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