i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
