I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
