he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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