I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
