1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
