I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
