i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
