your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this is an emotional support booty call
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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