What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
