Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
