My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Houston, we have a squirter
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
