just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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