She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
