One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
