i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
