Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
