if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
