I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
