Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize