there was a trapeze. enough said
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
