Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Iāve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about āhow to eat assā. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but itās needs to chill
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I couldnāt resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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