my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
