Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
