i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize