He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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