these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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