he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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