I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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