You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
