either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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