haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
